People-Pleasing at Work: How to Break Free for Greater Success
On the surface, being a people-pleaser at work or in entrepreneurial ventures might seem like a strength.
After all, adaptability, cooperation, and responsiveness are often valued in the workplace.
But when people-pleasing becomes a reflex rather than a choice, it creates significant problems—for the pleaser and for everyone around them.
People-pleasers suppress their true opinions, needs, and ambitions to meet the expectations of others.
- They agree to projects they despise
- They overcommit to avoid disappointing anyone
- They offer enthusiasm they don’t feel
Over time, this behaviour results in burnout, resentment, and confused coworkers or partners who can’t understand why things keep unravelling.
To put it bluntly: people-pleasing is a form of dishonesty. It’s not the kind meant to manipulate others for personal gain, but rather a behaviour rooted in fear—the fear of rejection, criticism, or conflict.
Why We People-Please at Work
To understand the pattern, we have to look back. Many people-pleasers grew up in environments where expressing their needs wasn’t safe – or at least didn’t feel safe. A parent, for example, might have responded to disagreement or disappointment with explosive anger or emotional withdrawal. Speaking up for yourself may just have invited shame.
In other cases, the impulse to please comes from a misplaced sense of responsibility for others’ emotional well-being. A child might have gone out of their way to avoid upsetting a stressed-out caregiver – feeling that the caregiver already had enough on their plate.
This behaviour evolved to keep us safe as at a young age our primary caregivers are our only source of protection, so pleasing them increased our ancestors’ chances of survival. The problem with this survival mechanism is that it is a blunt instrument and means denying your own needs.
Fast forward to adulthood, and these deeply ingrained habits resurface in professional settings. When the stakes feel high, maintaining harmony with clients can feel just as urgent as placating a volatile parent once did.
Breaking the Cycle in Professional Life
Overcoming people-pleasing isn’t about becoming abrasive or indifferent to others. It’s about reclaiming the ability to assert your needs and perspectives without fear. Here are three strategies to help:
1. Reframe Your Assumptions About Conflict
The people you work with today are not the authority figures or fragile caregivers of your past. Most colleagues, clients, and partners can handle a healthy degree of disagreement or honesty when it’s delivered with tact.
Instead of assuming that saying “no” will lead to catastrophic fallout, practice challenging this belief. Start small—express a minor reservation in a meeting or turn down a low-priority task. You’ll likely find that most professionals value clarity and directness far more than unearned acquiescence.
2. Recognize the Harm in Over-Pleasing
People-pleasers often pride themselves on being “nice,” but this behaviour can backfire. In a work context, failing to voice your doubts or boundaries can lead to poor decision-making and strained relationships. A team can’t function effectively when someone is withholding valuable input for fear of rocking the boat.
For entrepreneurs, the stakes are even higher. Saying “yes” to every opportunity, client request, or investor demand dilutes focus and saps energy. Ultimately, people-pleasing erodes trust when others realize you aren’t truly aligned with the commitments you’ve made.
3. Learn the Art of Honest Communication
Children often lack the tools to assert their needs gracefully, which leads to either silence or outbursts. As an adult, you can develop a more nuanced approach.
Practice expressing your boundaries or dissent with warmth and respect. For example:
- Instead of saying, “I can’t do this,” try, “I’d love to help, but I’m at capacity this week. Can we explore another timeline?”
- Rather than dodging a hard conversation with a colleague, try, “I see where you’re coming from, but I have a slightly different perspective. Can I share it?”
Honest communication doesn’t have to be harsh. It can be firm yet constructive, clear yet kind.
From People-Pleasing to Purpose-Driven
In the workplace, being pleasant is an asset—but being a people-pleaser is not. By stepping out of this pattern, you create space to lead with authenticity, contribute more meaningfully, and build relationships based on trust and mutual respect.
The key is recognizing that your true value lies not in always saying “yes,” but in knowing when to say “no”—and in doing so, making your “yes” truly meaningful.
Hypnotherapy as a solution for people-pleasing
Hypnotherapy is often overlooked in favour of traditional psychotherapy. The results, however, speak for themselves. I have seen many people leave behind loops and stuck patterns which have plagued them their whole lives.
The most important thing to consider is that no amount of rationalising helps people with deep-seated beliefs about themselves because these beliefs are held in the unconscious mind. Hypnosis can speak to that part of your mind in a way it can process.
Most importantly, this often happens quickly and doesn’t involve unearthing and fixating on painful past events. Normally, I only need between 1 and 3 sessions.
Learn more about my rapid and transformative approach